I Think This Is What Love Feels Like

I'm going to tell you about my semi weird love story...

Somewhere around late February early March 2010, I was a junior in high school and for the very first time my grades had started to slip. So my mother and father decided that the only option was to take away my Facebook because in 2010 everybody was obsessed with Facebook right?

So obviously instead of focusing on my homework like my parents wanted, I went on the search to find a site that would fill the void where Facebook had filled... so I googled "sites like Facebook" and the first thing that popped up was Mylol.net ... It was a weird little website that was basically a pool for horny little teenagers to look at pictures of other horny teenagers, but at the time it was the best thing I could do. I posted like 10 pictures and started on my marry little way.

About two weeks went by and I had been messaging a whole group of new guys. None of them had any real interest in me but more into if I could take pictures that could show more skin. What's new... but then I got a message from this guy named Chris, he was adventurous, funny, and kind of a dork. Before I knew it he was the only one I was talking to... finally in May of 2010 my parents gave me my Facebook back and I stopped getting on Mylol...and honestly I thought that would be the last time I would talk to Chris....

Until

He added me on Facebook :] So we started talking constantly, always wondering how each others days were going, listening to each others problems, and trying to fix it when we could. He was perfect...the only problem? Well I live in Kansas which is approximately 934 miles from where he lives in North Carolina. I'm not big on the long distant exclusive relationships thing and to be frank neither is he. I was 17 he was 18 it seemed like we were never going to work out but the chemistry between us was undeniable so to just cut off all contact wasn't an option. 

This is where my fatal flaw come in... 

Most of my dreams at night are about him.. Like what our life would be like together and how we would make it work. My dreams were like fairy tales, he was my knight in shining armor doing whatever he could to make it work between us. Of course I told my friends about him... but I never tell them the whole truth on how me and Chris started talking, because I thought it was embarrassing to say you met someone on the internet. I thought it was even worse to say that I'm basically in love with a guy I've never truly met. It's the how we were going to make it work that had been fabricated. Like I had come up with this plan in my head that after he graduated college he was going to move here for a year then move with me when I go to UCLA for law school a year later. Or that his mom is so excited about the prospects of us getting married that she had sent me wedding magazines. Just stupid stuff like that, that really wasn't necessary to say but to just make me feel better about my non-relationship relationship. 

Its not like these things aren't something that could technically 

happen in the future the problem is, that they haven't. 

Chris and I aren't exclusively talking. So over the last 3 years we both have been in relationships but when they end we always come back to each other. Sometimes we even speak while we're in them, but we always respect each others relationship. For some reason this last round of relationships was harder on the both of us. I got out of terrible relationship like hours before he got into one then she ended up cheating on him which made me more made then I'd ever been. I'm going to show you our conversation the week before I got into my relationship... we'd been talking a lot more frequently and I felt the need to ask Chris for permission first before I dated my ex:
(sometimes the pictures like to get out of order -__- bare with me)

 

I do love Chris with all my heart I just haven't told him that yet. I am suppose to travel to North Carolina before the summer is over and I really hope that all the questions that I have for him are answered. I know that he cares about me and he tells me how much he likes me all the time but I just feel like he won't say that he loves me until we're together. I need so badly for us to be together. When I picture my life and my happily ever after, it always includes him...no one else. I don't know what I would do if we didn't work out, as silly as that sounds it's true. He makes my darkest days brighter and I can't help but light up when his name flashes across my phone.. I think this is what love feels like...

Every princess has that prince charming who they want to sweep them off their feet and live happily ever after with and baby I hope you're mine.

XOXO

P.

"You can't undo a fall like this cause love don't know what distance is. 

Yeah, I know it's crazy but I don't want good 

and I don't want good enough. 

I want can't sleep, can't breathe without your love" 

- I Want Crazy by Hunter Hayes